Congratulations to the class of 2025!

I’m so incredibly proud of you.  In reflecting on all the things I could share with you today, I landed on what I think is the most important advice given the context of the era in which you are coming of age.  You are entering a world with unprecedented access to information and thanks to artificial intelligence, many of the tasks that have been highly labor intensive throughout human history, can be done with ease – a simple set of keystrokes.  Yet in this age of efficiency, I want to talk to you about something unexpected: IKEA.

Yes, IKEA—the big blue and yellow building you pass on the 405, famous for Swedish meatballs and flat-pack furniture. What makes IKEA unique isn’t just its meatballs or minimalist design; it’s that nearly everything you buy requires assembly. I’ll admit, I’ve often dreaded the hours spent deciphering instructions and fumbling with allen wrenches. But every time I finish building a piece, I feel a surge of pride and satisfaction. For a long time, I thought this was just me—some strange enjoyment of unnecessary challenge. But it turns out, psychologists have a name for it: it’s called the IKEA Effect.

And the reason I think it is so important to share is because it points to something very relevant to your lives – the direct relationship between labor and love. There is a mountain of building research that points to the centrality of hard work to people’s well-being or satisfaction with life – something I never tire of contemplating.

When I think about our work as a school and what we hope for you going forward, we want you all to thrive.  And while that will look different for each one of you, there are some elements that will be the same.  We know that strong and meaningful relationships are the key to satisfaction in life and to longevity.  To live well, one needs strong relationships with people who need and want us around.  And to feel good and have a high sense of well-being, we need to labor in some way.  As I think about the technological advances of today and the breathtaking simplicity and efficiency of AI, I worry that we might forget that actually doing the work makes us feel useful and well. The IKEA effect tells us there is a relationship between effort and liking which has deep implications for the world of school and work.  When we invest more time, effort and energy into something, we tend to value it more highly. 

In short, we value what we create. So you may be wondering, why am I sharing this with you now?  Mainly because you will have to make choices that none of the adults in your life had to make when they were your age.  So, how do you know when to embrace efficiency and when to lean into hard work?  When do you take advantage of the remarkable utility of tools like AI, because you should use them – but not always.  So let me offer you a few guiding principles or rules of thumb—heuristics, as the AP Psychology students would say:

Guiding Principle #1 – If it feels important, put time into it:  Of course, many of us remember new technology entering our world and changing everything, but you have more technology, more opportunities to be highly efficient and limit workload than any of us before you.  I happened to be in college during the development of email.  In fact, it was so new that we didn’t even call it email, we called it blitz mail – probably because it was so fast.  And while it made my life endlessly easier than sending letters by mail, I always wrote the important ones to dear friends and family members by hand.  To this day, receiving a handwritten note has a deeper and more profound impact on me and writing one to others feels weightier – more personal and intentional.  And so that is the first lesson, if it feels important, put time into it.

Guiding Principle #2, if you think it will pay off later, work hard at it now:   Probably the easiest way to think about this is in the realm of athletics or the arts.  No one wakes up and easily runs a marathon and no one can effortlessly play the piano the first time they sit down.  And, those early workouts and the lessons, they are sometimes quite painful.  But harnessing the discipline to keep at it and work hard helps you move forward. 

One day you will get to a place and you won’t believe the progress you have made – never shortchange the deliberate practice required to master something, even when at first it’s hard.  Also remember, things that at first appear to be less useful could become so in the future.  I don’t think we would have the beauty and simplicity of Apple products if Steve Jobs did not put effort into his calligraphy lessons.  You just never know when you need access to a skill. 

Guiding Principle #3, if it sparks joy and engagement, lean into it:  I’m certain that many of you know what you like and what you don’t like.  Some of you have declared majors and have a plan for the path ahead.  And while that is wonderful, make sure to hold space for what I call glimmers.  These are moments of joy and engagement that occur, sometimes in the strangest of contexts and definitely not according to plan. 

After college and after what was a very challenging first year of work, I landed what I thought was a dream job. I took a job in an admission office in an independent school in South Florida and I was the Spanish speaking Admission officer.  That allowed me to travel all over Central and South American and the Caribbean meeting with families who wanted to send students to our boarding school.  I was being paid to travel and use my Spanish – a true dream.  But what surprised me was that the glimmers were not on planes and hotels in Guatemala, Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic.  They were when I was on the ground at school, working with individual students as an advisor and analyzing data on spreadsheets – I barely recognized myself.  But I’m so grateful I didn’t dismiss these glimmers, because they all led me to you, and there is no other place I would rather be. 

When you look at each other today you know that you are all talented, incredibly capable and looking toward bright futures.  And while this is true for all of you, there is one thing that only you, no one else, has.  As said by Anna Quindlen, “you are the one person alive who has sole custody of your life.  Your particular life.  Your entire life.  Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just you bank account, but your soul.”  And ultimately, you are the only one who can determine what is most important to the development of your heart, mind and soul.  And as Oprah Winfrey once said, “understand the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility.”

 So put in the time, do the work – find your unique path and throw yourself into it. And keep in mind, the most beautiful paths have plenty of curves and changes in elevation.  Choose to work, even when it is hard, and you will fall in love with your unique path and feel like your life has purpose and meaning. Know that sometimes a path full of twists and turns and challenge is exactly what is required to find the life your soul is seeking.  And when your path leads you to assemble a bureau or bedframe from IKEA, remember: the effort is part of the reward.

Class of 2025, I am endlessly proud of you. I can’t wait to see the unique paths you forge and the incredible things you will create. You are loved, you are appreciated, and it has been an honor to watch you grow through your hard work and determination.